I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
