i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
