her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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