Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
