Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
