I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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