So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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