$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
