my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
