wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
