brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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