mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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