i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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