what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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