i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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