i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
