My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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