who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
