Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
