I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was CRYING into my vagina
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
