he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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