im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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