Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
