Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just gift wrapped bread.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God, I missed his penis.
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