I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
