Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
