I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
