if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
