So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
