My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
