I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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