Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
