Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
