Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
