Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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