I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am one with the molecules
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
