I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
