He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
