Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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