Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
two words...techno handjob
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This baby is an asshole
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
