Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
