My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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