it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
