Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
