I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
