i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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