I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
