drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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