So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what day is it and did you see me today?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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