im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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