Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
