Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
