My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
