She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
