And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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