Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
