All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize