Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what day is it and did you see me today?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
