at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
