I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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