there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
