then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
