haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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