Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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