I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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