We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
